Yes, yes I am. Because that’s how I roll these days. Because I’m stupid and my confidence has taken a shit-kicking over the last couple of months.
I happily spent the last year or so single, having sex with men if they struck my fancy and then dumping them immediately as I neither wanted nor required any ongoing male company. But, suddenly in the spring I got lonely. Really, really lonely. Like lonely for someone to hang out with and do stuff, not just a roll in the hay once in a while.
So, to make a long story short I sign up for EHarmony. Don’t waste your time or money on that one. Then my friends thought I should get a better attitude about the whole think and really make an effort so I tried Match.com. I had one date with a control freak who took me to a driving range and had every training tool possible to assist with a golf swing. Kill me now. Then he frowned when I ordered a large beer afterwards. Then to make it worse he called me (I ignored it) and left me a long voicemail about how he thought the date went really well blah blah blah. Not a chance in hell I would ever go on another date with that guy.
So date number two was the next weekend – a meet up for drinks. Which turned into a whole night. Really the most unlikely person I could have ever gone out with and would never have looked at him twice had I seen him in a bar. He is physically not my type – two inches shorter than me and that’s if I don’t wear heels. He’s a little guy. But somehow, he has managed to worm his way into my brain and I find myself having the hots for him big time.
We have sfa in common. He has three kids at home who are with him when he is home from working offshore (3×3 schedule). This is the second time he’s been home since I’ve met him. When he’s away, I got long phone calls and nice emails. Now that he’s home I get nothing and I’m feeling a little pissy about it all. Here I am actually sitting around waiting to hear from this guy. I left his house on Sunday morning around 8:00 am or so. Yesterday (Monday) I called him in the morning to say hello. He was out hunting and said he’d call me when he was done. It’s now today (Tuesday) late afternoon and not a word. WTF???
Seriously – I am attractive, smart and can handle myself pretty well around most people. So why the hell am I waiting around, not to mention having hurt feelings, about this guy not calling or texting me??? As my friend told me today – he’s got the best of all worlds. When he’s lonely offshore he can call you and chat endlessly, when he’s home he can have sex with you, go hunting, spend time with his kids and you are at the complete bottom of his list of things to do.
Yes, I really suck at times…. I don’t know if he is a good man or just some asshole who thinks he’s got the best of all worlds.
I most likely wouldn’t recognize a good man if I tripped over one.