So, so many strange men out there….

Well, I’ve been really, really busy.  Not only on POF (or ROC – River of Crap) as I now like to call it…  As part of the title of this blog is actually “unemployed” I will talk about my efforts to rectify that at some point (which I have been busy doing), but holy crap it is just so much more entertaining to write about these stupid men!

On Saturday night SDG came over, in his sheep’s clothing of Mr. Nice Guy.  What SDG secretly wanted was a booty call, not the pleasure of my company.  I called him out on it IMMEDIATELY!  He was quite inept in his protestations to the contrary, but I know that’s what he was hoping for.

So, I tortured him by having us watch 3 episodes of “The Killing” (awesome series).  We drank a bottle of cheap wine that he brought over.  At episode 3 he was saying “Wow, I’m really feeling this wine”.  I’m thinking “you are such a dick buddy – seriously how absolutely transparent can you possibly be – trying to get me to let you sleep over”.  He thought he’d wear me down by rubbing my shoulder and stroking my hair.  He even gave me such a great compliment:  “Wow, look at you – you’re gorgeous even without makeup”.  Some guys don’t even know when to keep their mouths shut.

So, halfway through episode 4, I yawned, said I was tired and that he would have to leave. (Oh, he bought pizza too, which was nice of him, but I think all his niceness was only in the hopes I’d let him feel me up or something).

Anyway, I am SO not into him at all.  No more dates for him. He is just way, way to childish, needy and just plain stupid for someone his age.

But even better is someone who, against my better judgement, I agreed to meet for a drink.  He was vaguely entertaining, so I thought to myself “oh, give the guy a chance, he’s not bad looking, you never know”.  Well, now I know…

This is the email exchange after I agreed to the meeting (he, obviously, is A**hole):

A**hole:  It is raining…. I love rain and snuggling!! BTW, snuggling is not a substitutes for sex! It is exactly that snuggling , and smelling your hair and listening to your heartbeat.

Me: Stop!  You are making me not want to meet you now.

A**hole:  What do you mean ?

I didn’t make a response.  Like are you a moron buddy???

A**hole:  I just want to clarify , many use the term cuddling or snuggling as a soft way to refer to sex. I don’t . I love to make love to someone I care about, and I equally love to cuddle or snuggle with someone I love.

I still make no response.  At this point I just want to throw up he sounds like such a needy, creepy douche bag.

A**hole: BTW, we have identical blue eyes!!!

Oh, that’s supposed to make me not gag – what are you 12?

A**hole:  Good Night Princess.Text me at XXX.XXXX if you wish to chat. Otherwise you will meet your future husband on Tuesday at 6:00 PM.

Holy, holy JUST KILL ME NOW.  Still not taking the hint and won’t just go away.  The next day I get this:

A**hole:  How is your day going? I am having a very relaxing day, hanging with my boys, (cats) watching CBC remembrance day service and playing with my Apple IPad

What kind of guy tells someone he is trying to date that he is playing with his cat boys??  And I haven’t said a word to him yet, he is so utterly stupid I cannot believe he thinks I will still go out with him.  So I sent him an email that would be entirely clear with no doubt as to my intention NEVER to meet him.

Me: Hi –  I don’t want to be cruel, but you were really over familiar with the comments last night about cuddling, smelling my hair, subsequent clarification about sex and then referring to me as Princess.  I don’t like it and to be frank, it has creeped me out.  All the best in your search.

A**hole:  Better to find out sooner rather than later…right? I am who I am and very proud of my ability to show effect ion, and comfortable in my own skin. Good luck yourself.

Well, good for you buddy.  I hope that’s working out for you really well. God, the guy wants to listen to my heart beat and smell my hair.  Now he’s proud of his ability blah blah. I am so grossed out you cannot even imagine – I nearly went and had a drink with this A**hole!!!!! Just makes me want to down a bottle of wine and chase it with some Jack Daniels to get the nightmare imagery out of my head. about how that would have turned out.

I couldn’t make this crap up if I tried…

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