Oh for the love of god the past month has been a whirlwind of fun, fun, fun and suck, suck, suck. And I must warn my friends, you will think I have lost my mind once you read this, and I fully admit that I did somewhat, but I’m back now : )
You know when you think you may have met someone who really seems to have possibilities as a partner, and he turns out to be a complete asshole with distinct crazy tendencies, although, I have to admit, all of that was interspersed with moments of intense fun, pleasure and laughing, well that’s pretty much how I’ve been hanging since I last posted.
I said to my friend KMS – I hardly know where to begin to even describe recent events as even by all the shit that happens in my life, this has been extremely weird.
So perhaps I should start at the first sign of weirdness (in my last blog I described it as intense, but I’m hardly going to call the guy I’m dating and having majorly great sex with weird as that would just make me weird).
The first alarm bells went off when I went out for my monthly dinner with the girls in January, and invited him to join us after for a drink (an unheard of invite – he should have been honoured). Now, these nights can go either way – we all get drunk and rowdy, or go home early, no in between. So, this night was one of drunken rowdiness and I make no apologies for that whatsoever. All we do is sit around and drink and talk about men and gossip. He joined us for a few drinks, it appeared he had a wonderful time. We took a cab back to my place afterwards, and I was done in, a bit shit-faced, and went to bed and he went home. I received a text from him telling me that “last night did not turn out as I planned: “Not to get too serious in a text but last night didn’t go the way I wanted it to go at all, very disappointing to me as I even went shopping for you in the middle of my busy day. FYI Thursday night with you and the dogs and making love was a perfect night for me – that’s what I am looking for in a relationship”
Then he proceeded to basically ignore me for the rest of the weekend. And when he did text he was cold, cold, cold. Then made a bullshit excuse about how he wasn’t feeling well all weekend blah blah, Then I finally got a nice text from him on Monday, no apologies for being an asshole all weekend, nothing, and I just let it go.
The second incident I found so completely disturbing, I actually didn’t know what to say to the guy, so I broke off with him (let’s refer to him from here on in as Hot Sexy Weird Guy (HSWG)).
A week or so after the above noted incident, I spent the night at his house, although I had to work the next morning. This guy is the kind of person who stays up until 4 in the morning and sleeps until 10 or 11. Well, I had to work the next day at 9, so at 11 pm I said to him “I really need to go to bed now, I’m pretty tired”. Well, you would have thought the world was coming to an end when I went upstairs and washed my face. I came back down and said “it would be great if you would come up with me – I’m not too tired yet”. He says “I have to take out the garbage”. I said “I’ll help you and then maybe you can come upstairs for a bit”. He refused! And left me to go upstairs, in HIS house, to bed, all by myself. Holy weirdness.
To make a long story short, he was all bent out of shape because I had the audacity to want to go to bed “early” and the fact that I washed my make-up off made him think I didn’t want to be pretty and sexy for him. I should have ran for the fucking hills right at that moment. My experience with men is that they appreciate a naked woman in bed who is willing to have sex with them, make up or no make up.
So, when I received the following text I thought it was a joke:
HSWG: “Hey babe, hope you made it home safe. We had another sexless date. I am having a real hard time with that. I am trying to be affectionate and have now bought u lingerie twice in two weeks. I don’t know what else to do to make u more interested in havin a regular active sex life with me? I shouldn’t be texting this stuff but I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know why things are going this way and it sucks. I hope u want a full relationship with me as I do with you. xoxo sorry for the long text”
Then I get the following email that night, after a long phone call about how much I suck because he isn’t getting enough sex, and I’m telling him perhaps I’m not the right woman for you and you should move on, but he disagrees, but still thinks it’s a good idea to send me this email (note this is heavily redacted due to graphic sexual content):
HSWG: “I was thinking of that and how you treated my body like I was a leper. (redacted) then maybe you could at least give me a hand-job or massage or something – just some sort of human contact. Anyway, when I asked you to touch me I now laugh at how reluctant you were 🙂 So I thought of what I did to you so you would feel great (redacted) LOL Anyway, I am currently laughing thinking of all those other guys you were so sexual with and then with me – a guy who was falling in love with you, who treated you with respect, kindness and generosity – you treated me like a leper 😉 I am actually laughing out loud again as I proof read this 🙂 – this is a sad story but somewhat funny at the same time 😉 ”
Me: So, I texted him and told him we were no more. WTF did me going to bed early and then not having sex with him in the morning as I had to GO TO WORK, warrant a text and an email like that????? He texts back telling me he is going to shovel my snow (there was a snowstorm that day). I tell him not to bother. He comes to my house anyway, cries, tells me how much he cares about me, how sorry he is blah blah blah. Yes, I am so stupid. We ended up in bed and it was a pretty fun reconciliation. I am SO STUPID!!!!
So, of course any normal person can pretty much infer the weirdness is going to get weirder. We chugged along pretty good there for a few weeks, interspersed with a few bits of weirdness. Spent a ton of time together. Had a lot of laughs. I was having such a great time I just tossed the weird bits aside and convinced myself they wouldn’t happen again.
But, little things kept happening here and there. HSWG has an inability to actually say how he feels about something. His way of dealing with any type of perceived conflict is to go on the offensive and try and crush the “opponent” (being me). He has a deep seated need to always be right and always be the boss. So, anyone who knows me can understand why this has ended very badly.
The culminating incident:
We decided to spend Valentine’s day together on Wednesday the 12th as I was leaving town on the 13th. He sent me a nice text inviting me out to a very nice restaurant. I said yes. Everything the past couple of days has been, for the most part romantic and fun, then this email exchange happens (note, he was picking me up at 7 for a 7:15 reservation and I have a 6:30 am flight, so it’s not like it’s a party night):
HSWG: Should I bring a couple of beer
ME: I have two Corona and one Stella in the fridge.
HSWG: Thx. I am trying to figure out how u think – pls don’t take this the wrong way. Am I out of line or crazy expecting u to have a case a beer in your house as tonight will run me $200-250 inc your gifts? I am not mad or pissed off I am just trying to learn more about what you expect in a relationship.
ME: I did have a case of beer but you drank it on the weekend and I didn’t notice unitl you asked just now… My apologies. And your gifts cost $175 if it makes you feel better about me contributing. (Editorial note: Yes, I am pissed, I cannot even believe he texted me that before our supposedly romantic dinner out).
So, he shows up an hour late, will barely talk to me, doesn’t even tell me I look nice. I ask him if he still wants to go out. He says yes. So we go. We get the restaurant. He still is barely speaking to me. It’s so weird I finally say, let’s just call it quits – you don’t want to be here and this is ridiculous. That apparently broke the ice as he immediately goes into major hostilities about how much I suck and how he does everything for me and I give NOTHING in return.
So, of course I start to defend myself. But then immediately smarten up as I have nothing to defend. How can you defend against crazy? So, I looked at him, told him to shut the fuck up and let me talk. He looked shocked. I have never once spoken to him like that. I told him I was sick and tired of his passive aggressive behavior. I stood up, downed my glass of wine (it was a nice New Zealand Sauv Blanc which would be a shame to waste by throwing in his face) and told him I was done with him. Done, done, done. We are over. I’ve had enough of your crap.
And I walked out and left him eating his dinner and took a cab home. And I didn’t even feel bad about it, nor did I feel bad about leaving him sit there by himself, nor have I had even a moment of regret for how I did it.
How I actually put up with his crap for nearly six weeks is a mystery to me. Well, it’s not really, despite his grim musings about the sex, the sex was great and had me hooked. And when HSWG was normal, he was amazingly awesome. But, you just never knew when he was going to turn weird or toss out a bombshell of some sort, so I think that’s why I reached the end of my rope at that dinner.
Yes, I know. I should have known better and dumped him at the first sign of weirdness but I did not. I admit, it was a complete lack of judgement on my part which will never happen again. I learned a valuable lesson with this guy – weird cannot be fixed. Ever.
And I haven’t even got into the post break up texts and emails yet. Holy shit, can I attract them : (