And I seriously mean brain matter must have leaked at some point over the last couple of weeks because I feel like I’m so stupid at the moment there can’t possibly be any other explanation.
So, let me start with the fact that despite all the weirdness from the ex, I actually still like him. Why that is the case, I do not know. Usually when I decide I’m done, I’m done. No going back when I dump someone. No ever sleeping with the person again. No nothing but me avoiding them and polite conversation when required. But mostly doing the avoiding thing.
Not this time around. Nope. It did start out okay. I sent a humdinger of an email to him finally acknowledging all the texts and the emails he sent to me and I told him what a complete crazy dick he was to me and that I didn’t trust him and that I didn’t think he was ever going to change his ways. His response shocked the shit out of me as he indicated everything I said was reasonable and he was going to think about it.
Then he sent me an email telling me he still wanted me to work for him and asked me to seriously consider it.
As I do need to make money, and I would be learning about a new business, I accepted. (Yes, I know – not the smartest thing I could have done, but it is helpful to be able to buy wine and pay the mortgage).
So, I met him at Wendy’s to discuss the terms of the working arrangement. Then we went over to his office and he showed me around. Then we went to the bar next door and had a beer. He started tearing up and had to leave. He is in love with me and he can’t believe that we are over. I felt so bad for him, I nearly cried myself. Yes, clearly I understand that this possibly is a highly manipulative tactic on his part, but saying that I still felt bad.
He left. My friend showed up. We drank wine, left the bar, went back to my house and drank some more wine. She left. He texted me asking if he could come and talk to me. I said yes. He didn’t leave my house until 1:00 pm the next day.
F**k me, I don’t even believe I did that. He came over. We drank. A lot. I ranted at him until 5:30 in the morning telling him what an asshole he was. He just sat there and took it and agreed with me. I’m not joking. I would have probably whacked me upside the head if I was him, as I was not very nice.
I’m sure I don’t have to spell out what transpired between 5:30 am and 1:00 pm. It was up there in the top three sexual experiences of my entire life. I am such an idiot for doing that. I did have enough sense to tell him when he left my house that we were still broken up.
Fast forward to Monday morning in the office. He tells me he is going for psychological help as he recognizes that all the shit that is in his mind that he actually says and texts and emails, is not appropriate to actually say, text or email. He doesn’t know why he does it. Maybe his childhood? Getting the shit kicked out of you on a daily basis by your father may do it. Or having a mother who doesn’t have your back while you’re getting the shit kicked out of you could also have something to do with it. I have no idea. What I do know is that we all have our shit to deal with, and most of us don’t deliberately go out of our way to hurt people we supposedly care about as a result.
So, he has an appointment set up for an initial meeting with someone Monday coming up. In the meantime, he spent Monday and Tuesday being completely charming. Today he was back to being a prickly man, and he did try really hard to hide it, but I could still feel the bad vibe from him. He told me he was really concerned about his business. I thought to myself “You should be. I watch how you talk to some people not to mention the fact that you basically put it on the back burner for the last two years, so what the hell did you expect would happen – of course things are down by 50%.”
No, I didn’t say any of that out loud, but I felt like it.
My God it must suck so much to be him – I cannot even imagine. I have my problems and I can be stranger than most, but I swear I cannot compare to his weirdness.
Now I am home, nice glass of wine in hand, and wondering where, exactly, I’m going with this. And also hoping that whatever brain matter leaked out is swiftly replaced by some common sense.