The depths of my dysfunction knows no boundaries…..

Yes, it’s been awhile.  I thought I’d take some time off from my verbal diarrhea and chill out for a bit and enjoy my life and the new man.

Which I did for a bit but then could not resist doing the thing I always do if I’m with someone who is actually really nice.  You know, that thing where suddenly a switch goes off in my head when they show signs of liking me too much; and I start picking the guy apart and finding fault and generally making his life miserable to see if he will actually stick around.

So to recap the last month or so:

1. He told me he loved me which totally freaked me out and made me into chippy bitch overdrive.  Why, oh why did he have to do that.  Things were going along just great until he did that and completely put me off my food.  And him.

2. PEI was great.  We had fun.  But it was after the whole love declaration thing (which has never happened again thankfully) so in my mind cast a bit of a pall over the whole trip.  Yet, being the shallow bitch that I am, I really liked that he is a total jock and an awesome golfer so I warmed up considerably over the weekend after playing 18 holes with him.

3.  We had a talk about my complete change of attitude towards him, and I told him we had to pull back a bit as he was freaking me out and I was in no way, shape or form ready for declarations of love, reciprocating those declarations or even thinking of ever living, marrying, or having anything but a casual yet nice relationship with a man.  He was very understanding (of course, as he is nice man) but I haven’t been able to get back to where I was with him.  For the love of God what is wrong with me???????

So, there you have it.  I’m still seeing him.  But he wants to spend way more time with me than vice versa.  I feel bad as feel like total bitch but my alternative is to dump him completely.  Which he says he has no problem with and he will go away if I don’t want him.

But, I do like him as he is really nice, but why, why, why did he have to introduce the love thing into this.  What is wrong with men?  They can’t just leave well enough alone and take it for what it is:  good company, sex and fun.  No, there has to be other bullshit involved to muddy the waters.

So, where does this leave me?  Am in a bit of a funk lately.  I haven’t seen my friends enough.  I miss them.  I’m supposed to go away on Saturday night with some girls and we are going to the Shore Club to drink and dance.  Hopefully that works out as I am in desperate need of female company.

Oh, and for the record, my trainer (and I have confirmed with my own visual so she actually  isn’t full of shit) told me the other day my ass is looking a lot better than it did 20 sessions ago.  That was enough to make me sign up for 20 more sessions – she is a marketing genius : )

The work thing is humming along nicely.  I have managed to get my shit together and get myself a sweet contract that could turn into something full time down the road.  So all is not lost, my dysfunction apparently is only really prevalent in the relationship sector of my life.

Anyway, I really have no idea where this thing is headed with the man (oh I am so full of shit, I know exactly where it is headed, I’m just so into avoiding conflict with him at the moment that I can’t just dump him as I don’t want to hurt his feelings).  Instead I was evil bitch to a pompous security guard today –  he was so frigging rude to me I tore a strip off him and all he could think of to say was “Well, you don’t have to shop at this mall you know”.  Yup, you go buddy – really hurt my feelings with that one.

I’m going to go drink some wine now.  I only wish I had some jububes in the house to go with it.  It seems to be that kind of night.







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