I’m having a nice whisky on the rocks on this beautiful summer evening and thanking my lucky stars I have managed to extricate myself from yet another shitty relationship, but this time without the drama, hard feelings and bitter one liners. As a matter of fact, it was so civilized that it pretty much sums up the entire relationship: BORING!
Consider the following:
1. I leave town on Friday morning, do not invite man.
2. Man pretends to be all understanding of this (after he switched shifts and got the weekend off) but he really isn’t. (And this leads me to another point – unless the guy owns the store, I am no longer dating anyone who works in retail).
3. I have fantastic girls weekend in various Nova Scotia locations (I am the beneficiary of friends who own cottages and who let me freeload now and then : ) )
4. Man texts me last night, I blow him off.
5. Man texts me this morning, and I decide to be grown-up and get this over with.
6. I go to gym, all I do is squats for an hour, (sometimes I hate that trainer), and I don’t manage to change, shower or do anything to make myself look better before man comes over.
7. Man comes over.
8. I tell him we need to talk. We talk. I take all of the blame. Yet, he is eager to take some blame too, so this is all good. I mention to him that I think he would be better off with a nice Christian girl rather than a wing-nut like me, yet he demurs and disagrees.
9. He cooks me dinner (he brought over left over spaghetti and garlic bread). We eat. Some mild discussion on how useless we both are at relationships. I am at my charming best as am trying to smooth things over.
10. He picks up his stuff, says something to the effect “I’ll see you around sometime” . and leaves.
This was actually the most boring relationship I’ve ever had in my entire life, bar none – even this recounting of the break up is boring as snot. I think I hurt his feelings though, and for that I do feel bad as he is a nice man.
So, I’m single once again until the next one comes along. Somehow “kill me now” seems appropriate here.