Yup, it’s time for a little man break…

And the reason for this is 50% because of last weekend’s completely unexpected shit show of a night down town.  And 50% because the motivation to try and make any plan at the moment that doesn’t involve me hanging out by myself complete eludes me.

Back story:  I got contacted on-line by an engineer from Texas who was in town last weekend for a conference.  We email back and forth.  He was quite amusing and articulate over the email so I told him I would meet him for a drink, and as long as he was charming, handsome, witty and not dressed like a homeless person, drinks could possibly turn into dinner.  That exchange morphed into us arranging to meet at 7:00 pm last Friday at Dugger’s (a very upscale menswear store) so he could ensure he was properly dressed for the occasion.

I show up looking amazing.  Again, one of those times when even yourself can’t pick yourself apart. Although he did not look like a homeless person, he definitely could have used a better outfit (yes I am horribly shallow).  Karen, the fabulous woman who works at the store, had him looking like a new man in under an hour – it was quite a transformation.  She steamed the shirt, took all of the tags off everything, and she rings in the purchase.  Apparently, he thinks designer clothes are the same price as Walmart clothes?  The total was well north of $1,000, and his credit card was declined!  Then two more credit cards were declined!

To say I was embarrassed was a bit of an understatement considering I’m the one who brought this guy to this store and wasted an hour of her time when she could have actually been making money from someone who had credit cards that worked.

It gets better.  He was all dressed in the new outfit (including shoes!).  Then he had to slink back to the changing room to get the old, in comparison shitty outfit back on.  (He said he was going to come back the next day and pay for everything when he got his cards sorted out, and I truly hope he did.  Otherwise bad karma is going to follow him around for a long time).  Then it gets even better.  He wants to walk to the restaurant.  I have 3 inch CFMs on.  I refuse.  Tell him that he can certainly walk if he wants to, but I’m getting in a cab.  And I got in a cab.  And he, sensing that I was in no mood for screwing around about this, followed along.

So, clearly, this guy is an asshole and clearly, I wouldn’t be caught dead having dinner with him as would probably have to end up paying as he comes to Canada with $80 cash and broken credit cards!!  I mean, seriously?????

We arrive at the restaurant and walked in, where I saw many people that I knew.  I figure the best way to get rid of him was telling him he should probably make figuring out his credit card problem a priority, so he left to make the calls.  And turns up about an hour later, I’m assuming with the problem fixed, but didn’t really care enough to ask.  He saw me standing at the bar with my friends.  I looked at him, shook my head, and shooed him away.  Yes, I really did that.  Totally shooed him away.  Yes, I can be a total first class bitch.  Yes, he deserved it.

Then, Mr. Stole the Book shows up.  We go to various bars, where he hits on dozens of women, frowns at any man who comes near me, tries to get me to say I’m his girlfriend, is generally a pain in the ass,  and then back to my place.

I am happy to report that his lack of ability to actually process or comprehend even the simplest of concepts has finally outweighed any desire I have to have sex with him.  I sat there on Saturday afternoon after he left, and all I could think was “how is it possible for someone to be that goddamn stupid????”  (Apparently that chick that was his girlfriend a few weeks ago thinks she’s pregnant.  I haven’t received an update as of today, but last I talked to him, when he dropped by my house completely unannounced on Monday, he was headed to her place with a pregnancy kit and he was going to make her pee on the stick in front of him).

I sat there again on Monday during the unannounced visit and listened to him tell me what a good catch he was, how he wasn’t really thinking about how this chick could maybe get pregnant when he had sex with her without a condom, and how he never thought to ask her if she was on birth control, and how thought he had a lot going for him, and then I tuned out the rest and just watched his lips move and thought, yet again, “you are truly stupid”.  He is definitely charming and a nice guy, and women like him (but I put that down to the fact that most women, and I include myself in there, can be desperate at times and in a bar situation, or a naked situation, he has his charms).  However, to have a conversation beyond anything completely superficial is pretty much impossible.  Anything more substantial than how his grey suit makes his complexion look good is best not ventured. Not to mention, who lives at home with their parents at that age????

On the upside, at least I’m not mourning the booty call anymore.

Mr. Handsome and Successful, who I really liked, can’t seem to actually ask me for a proper date.  Received yet another text telling me that maybe he will be around on Friday night, and what was I doing.  I deleted him.  As handsome and successful as he may be, there is obviously a reason that he is single and I just do not have the energy or desire to try and hang out with someone who may or may not be around, and may or may not be a total asshole.

I’ve reached my tipping point with man bullshit.  So, I’m done.  Done with man drama.  Done with hanging around with 50 year old babies who still live at home.  Done. Done. Done.  At least for the month of June.  And until new, fresh man drama crosses my path : )


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