No man break, lots of man drama…

So, I’ve had dog drama, family drama and all kinds of shit going down for the last month so it’s a good thing that I do find a bit of solace in man drama in that it is a respite from the actual important shit in my life.  Kind of like watching TV is for some people.  Not to mention it makes me laugh.  A lot.

Where to start…

Well, there’s a couple of engineers from Ontario who will probably never forget who I am.

Then there’s Mr. Handsome and Successful.  He actually got his shit together enough to meet me one night, where he proceeded to act weird and it’s possible I may have caused a tiny little scene where I told him he was the most fucked up person I’ve ever met in my life and that he should never contact me again.

I think he found that shocking.  Whatever.

On the upside, I met a fabulously handsome New Zealand man who happened to be in town for a few days and he has to be the most adorable man I’ve ever hung out with.  I was on my friend’s boat on Canada Day, and we were passing by the boat I knew that he was on and I yelled over “I’m looking for the guy who’s on Tinder – tell him Miss Chippy is looking for him!”.  (His Tinder wasn’t working for some reason, so we were unable to get in touch – lucky for me I knew what boat he was on).  To make a long story short, we hung out, he is awesome and may be back in town at some point this summer.  It’s always nice when you meet someone as sweet and fantastic looking as this guy – almost gives me the warm and fuzzies.

On the downside, I was out Friday night with friends and end up sitting by some guy out on the patio of the bar.  My friend KMS and I just sat down and he immediately had two tequila shots in front of us.  Then a bottle of Cristal. Yes, I will take your free drinks.  He kept asking me if I knew who he was.  I told him he clearly wasn’t in the know if he didn’t know who I was.  Turns out we know a lot of the same people.  And yes he is rich.  And holy crap he is the biggest drunken asshole I have ever had the misfortune of meeting in a bar.  His parting words to me, shouted out so that about 20 other people could hear:  “You know your pussy is wet for me”.   Classy.

Then yesterday, I get this text from Mr. Stole the Book from the Hotel Room, which actually nearly made me pee my pants laughing. I admit it, I deserved it.  But to be chastised by a stupid man who can’t spell – this is a first!!!  My horniness on Friday night got the better of my good judgement and I called him in the hopes of a booty call…  I will forever keep this text as a reminder that a vibrator is always a better option.

Booty call chastise

And don’t get me started on the Tinder exchanges.  I’m killing myself laughing over some of these guys!!

Exhibit 1 –  “Beer makes me horny”

Beer makes me horny

Exhibit 2:  He asked me how tall I was.  I told him.

Short man

Exhibit 3:  A definite Swipe Left

Don't swipe right

Exhibit 4:  Just a complete KILL ME NOW!  (His age on Tinder is 44, he’s actually 57)

Old man

Now I understand the purpose of Tinder.  It’s to provide blog fodder for people like me.

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