I sat at the beach today, on a rock, in the freezing cold for about two hours, listened to Johnny Cash and 4 Non Blondes, watched the waves hit the rocks and contemplated just WTF I am trying to accomplish here. With men. Not my life in general as that part doesn’t suck. But holy shit the man drama I invite into my life on a continuous basis, although wildly entertaining, sometimes does me in and I have to make a retreat into solitude.
Yes, clearly I am thriving on the man drama – anyone who knows me well, gets that about me. And WTF would I write about if I wasn’t skewering the male species. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. Like I said, it entertains and amuses me, but sometimes it ends up getting all f**cked up, and feelings get hurt and then I feel bad and wonder is it me or them?
It occurred to me after the rock sitting that I am cavalier to the extreme in my attitude towards men and relationships in general. I don’t want to let anyone in, and if a man can’t play by my rules, then his ass gets tossed.
Which is okay. Men operate like this all the time. It’s not like I’m trying to form a life bond with someone or have babies. I think it’s okay that I think like this. My problem is that I am completely unable to figure out WTF any of these men want. (And yes, I do have enough self awareness to realize that I have the attention span of a flea where men are concerned, not to mention the whole commitment-phobic thing I have going on….)
A few examples:
1. I have not yet mentioned the Israeli. I met him at a business function and had a text from him before I even got home from said function asking me out. He’s the type I go for – shaved head, big, aggressive. To make a long story short, he has some fabulous sex skills, and then some not so fabulous sex skills. I could have ironed out the not so fabulous sex skill part, but he is spending way too much time pouting now. Apparently I was supposed to turn up at his hotel room this weekend. For sex I suppose. No mention of a dinner or drink in there at all – how stunned are you to have this kind of interaction with a woman you want to have sex with:
Israeli: (with no head’s up, shows up at my client’s office and wants me to take a walk with him)
Me: No, I’m busy, ttyl
Me: text Israeli the following: “Congratulations – awesome news for you! If you have time while you are staying in town, let me know”
Israeli: “Well, that’s why I came over but didn’t want to say it in front of them. I have time tonight after 8:30.
Me: OK, will let you know. I have dinner plans but if not too late when I’m done, will text you”. (More about those dinner plans further down)
Israeli: “Just come by any time”.
Well, I didn’t text him that night because I was busy; but did touch base the next night:
Me: I’m at the “”name of popular restaurant” (This at about 10:00 pm)
Israeli: “I have to go to my room to work on my business till midnight”.
Seriously?? WTF??? Can you say asshole??? Yeah, so anyway, I ignored him after that. He texted me at around 11:30 PM looking for me. For a smart guy he is pretty stupid. Like, can you even try to be a tiny bit charming??? Or am I so oblivious I am missing something here??
2. I met a guy at that very same Popular Restaurant a few weeks ago. His name is Handsome and Successful. He is, obviously, very handsome and successful. We exchanged texts, I don’t think he is really adept at dealing with women, but I can overlook that given the handsome, successful part. He finally, after me initiating the “if you want to go for a drink let me know” text, invites me out for dinner. We agree to meet at Popular Restaurant on Thursday night.
I swan into popular restaurant looking absolutely fabulous. It was one of those nights where even you can’t tell yourself you don’t look hot. I get in, don’t see my date immediately, but then there’s a tap on my shoulder. I turn around, and there is Mr. Stole the book from the hotel room in Mexico inviting me outside for a drink.
I text Mr. H&S to tell him I’m outside with friends and when he arrives that’s where I am. Mr. Stole the Book asks me what I am doing there. I lie and say I am meeting a potential client. I ask him what he is doing there. He tells me the truth – he has a date with 25 year old.
Now keep in mind I have been having really great sex with Mr. Stole the Book since the middle of January, all the while keeping him at arm’s length while I go to Cuba with Hot Italian Hippie, have a couple of nights with the Israeli, and am generally the antithesis of what would be considered a good girlfriend. (I think he thought I was his girlfriend…) There have been statements on his part of “I love you”; and on my part not so much.
So, it got a little touchy between us. Not in a good way. He didn’t believe me about the client and I thought I deserved the courtesy of a heads up that he was dating someone. Anyway, just as it all started to completely degenerate into a scene, Mr. Handsome and Successful, who is about 6’5” tall, hockey player type, shows up, kisses me on the cheek, puts his arm around me and in we go to the restaurant. Mr. Stole the Book just about had an aneurism and it probably didn’t help that all his friends were standing around and witnessed the whole thing. Mr. Stole the Book is, at the moment, pissed off at me like you wouldn’t believe. But I actually don’t understand why. He has been flirting/having sex with other woman at the same time as me, so why he is morally outraged when I am engaging in the EXACT same kind of behaviour is beyond me.
Anyway, had a fabulous night with Mr. H & S. He dropped me off at my place in a cab at about 2:00 a.m. I resisted any urge to invite him in. Why is that? Well, because this could possibly have some future potential as a proper boyfriend thing so I’m going to have a wait and see on that – it’s a 50-50 toss-up in my opinion.
3. Which brings me to Friday night. It was exhausting. Mr. Stole the Book made a point of showing up everywhere I was, with his new woman. It was ridiculous. Sometimes this city is just way, way too small. However, I ended up having a really decent night. Met nice guy, had slutty moment, will not be seeing him again, but was exactly what the night called for as he is an acquaintance of Mr. Stole the Book, who hopefully finds out about it. Yes, I am being completely sixteen years old and spiteful. (Weirdly enough though, that man turned up at my house yesterday morning to say hello. It was very disconcerting to say the least. I rushed him off as was still in the throws of a mild hangover and really didn’t want to bother with any more conversation with him. Apparently, he didn’t want me to think he was taking advantage of me. I actually laughed out loud)
4. Which brings me to Tinder. Wow, what a shit show that whole thing is. Yes, I signed up. So far haven’t met one single person on there. All these men want to do is swipe right and text you endlessly with sexual innuendo. I’ve “unmatched” all of them except a couple. I’m supposed to meet one on June 5th when he is in town. I haven’t decided whether or not I will go, there will most likely be another shiny object that will have my attention by then, but you never know. So, I don’t get this male behaviour. You are supposed to be on Tinder to meet people. What’s with all the messaging back and forth??? Wouldn’t you just rather meet someone than waste your time like that?
Anyway, that’s a month’s worth of man drama, and I’m now going to retreat and be a sensible woman and use my spare time appropriately by sitting on rocks at the beach and hanging out with my dog.